{"id":47,"date":"2017-08-28T00:59:13","date_gmt":"2017-08-28T00:59:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/apresmidi.net\/eee2017\/log\/?p=47"},"modified":"2017-08-28T01:27:19","modified_gmt":"2017-08-28T01:27:19","slug":"portland","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/apresmidi.net\/eee2017\/log\/2017\/08\/28\/portland\/","title":{"rendered":"Portland"},"content":{"rendered":"
We met our friend Jesse at the eminently popular Por Que No\u00a0on the eminently popular N Mississippi Ave. \u00a0Then we stayed with our Opcode coworker Lenore and her husband Geoff. \u00a0They had just remodeled the\u00a0kitchen, and had a very colorful countertop with shards of beer bottles embedded in cement, with a clear top.<\/div>\n

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The Liberal Media speak as though Donald Trump were some incomprehensible monster, with his wall-building and Muslim hate and White\u00a0Supremacy. This is a lie. \u00a0Liberals understand Donald Trump perfectly, and feel the same way that he does, just about different things.

Islam doesn’t bother me much. \u00a0But if I were president, I would detain all the manufacturers of faucets in the United States and put them in one of the\u00a0conference rooms at Guantanamo (They probably have names like “The Palm Room” and “Rio Grande 3” and of course “Guantanamera”) and there\u00a0they would watch live video feeds of their own children being tortured and killed until they settled upon two EXISTING designs of faucets, which would\u00a0then become the ONLY faucets permitted in the United States: one with one handle that remembers the temperature, and one with two handles in the\u00a0old style. \u00a0And I guess you could grandfather in the ones with two handles and two faucets. \u00a0And one standard way of switching from tub to shower\u00a0and shower to hand-held nozzle.

The first amendment would indicate you could make other creative designs, but they would be classified as Art and it would be illegal to sell them for\u00a0less than $100,000, which would prevent their being installed in Motel 6 and airports. \u00a0And the American flag would do a Google Doodle of that way\u00a0sexy old post card of the guy washing his feet in a sink. \u00a0I can’t find it right now on Google Images.

I will not say anything like “I thought I’d seen it all,” with respect to useless technological elaboration, but I thought I had a grasp on the eigenvectors\u00a0of faucet design. \u00a0Ha. \u00a0Ha. \u00a0Lenore has an encrypted faucet in her\u00a0kitchen that requires you touch it just-so on the side, in order to unlock the water function. \u00a0This is not some janky plumbing mishap of the era of rabbit\u00a0ear antennas on the top of TV sets, this is an intentional design. \u00a0It’s touch-controlled. \u00a0You can’t grasp it. \u00a0You have to brush it gently. \u00a0I’ve gone on\u00a0long enough on this tangent and I will stipulate all the sex jokes about touching faucets gently on the side.

Lenore seems to be doing well. \u00a0Her house is neat. \u00a0Her daughter Zoe is fabulous. \u00a0She likes to sort things, for fun. \u00a0I told her I needed to be her friend on\u00a0that basis — she can join the conversations I have with Kent about algorithms for that. \u00a0Zoe used to do gymnastics but now is very interested in the\u00a0circus; gymnastics was horrendously competitive, but in a circus everyone depends on everyone else.

On Thursday<\/strong> morning, August 24, we met Dave’s cousin Larissa at Jam on Hawthorne, for brunch. \u00a0There were not two square centimeters of flesh colored skin\u00a0in the whole place. \u00a0I used to think that the tattoo fad would come and go, but I now think it will only fade when it is replaced by full motion\u00a0subcutaneous video.

Larissa’s house makes me wonder how many hours other people have in the day. \u00a0I feel like I have really done it all, if I have razored off a couple of\u00a0feet of blue masking tape scraps from the edge of a window. \u00a0Larissa has painted her whole damn house. \u00a0And she has a full time job. \u00a0How is this\u00a0possible? \u00a0She also has a golden retriever which insists on taking up 105% of your attention the whole time you are on the property.<\/i><\/div>\n
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We realized that we needed to leave for Seattle “stat!” to avoid the horrible traffic. \u00a0Of course, there is always horrible traffic from Olympia through Tacoma, and that was indeed the case.

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We met our friend Jesse at the eminently popular Por Que No\u00a0on the eminently popular N Mississippi Ave. \u00a0Then we stayed with our Opcode coworker Lenore and her husband Geoff. \u00a0They had just remodeled the\u00a0kitchen, and had a very colorful countertop with shards of beer bottles embedded in cement, with a clear top. The Liberal … Continue reading Portland<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/apresmidi.net\/eee2017\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/apresmidi.net\/eee2017\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/apresmidi.net\/eee2017\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/apresmidi.net\/eee2017\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/apresmidi.net\/eee2017\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=47"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/apresmidi.net\/eee2017\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":59,"href":"https:\/\/apresmidi.net\/eee2017\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47\/revisions\/59"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/apresmidi.net\/eee2017\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=47"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/apresmidi.net\/eee2017\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=47"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/apresmidi.net\/eee2017\/log\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=47"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}